A definition of love
How we can maintain unity in spirit
By Anja Scholl
Violins, pianos, timpani, and trumpets. They all have a unique sound. We may like some instruments more than others. And when they all sound at the same time, it can quickly become chaotic. But when they form harmonies, many voices become an attractive, beautiful sound that is hard to beat.
It is the same with the church. Christians are a diverse group of people with different opinions, characters, and life situations. This can lead to chaos: conflicts flare up, hurt feelings arise, churches split. Yet healthy unity has a great appeal to others. How can we live in such unity?
The most important thing is that, like an orchestra, we need a conductor to create harmony. For unity is a gift from God. In Ephesians 4:3, we read that we should maintain unity in the Spirit. So, we don’t create it; our task is to preserve it.
But how is that possible when the sound of trumpets makes our toenails curl? We find the answer one verse earlier. Paul calls for humility, gentleness, and patience. And he follows this with the words, “Bear with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2; LUT). I love Luther’s translation here. Sometimes we simply must put up with each other, because we are all difficult in some ways. Unfortunately, these words have very negative connotations in German. Yet they come from the words “bear” and “hold.” We should bear with one another in love. What does this kind of love look like in practice?
A speaker once offered a definition of love that seemed unusual at first glance: He referred to Genesis 4:1: “And Adam knew his wife Eve, and she conceived…” Knowing here refers to sexuality. But there is more to it than that: it implies a deep spiritual (and physical) union. A unity that comes with marriage.
Couples who are newly married do not know each other nearly as well as those who have spent decades together. Getting to know each other is a lifelong process. He defined love as actively and consciously shaping this process, making an effort to understand the other person, and continuing to explore them.
I believe that this definition can also be applied to platonic relationships. We often only see the conflicts or weaknesses in others. Instead, we could try to understand each other better. We can try to understand why a certain topic triggers so much emotion in the other person (and in ourselves!). Conflicts are not always about the actual discussion. Sometimes they are rooted in old, deep wounds or current difficult life circumstances—things we are unaware of. When we strive to understand each other and get to know each other better, frustration can turn into compassion, and we begin to support each other. So, let’s make an effort to explore each other, and we will notice that we will sound more harmonious.
